Mute the World and Scroll These 101 Do Not Disturb Jokes
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Do Not Disturb jokes are less of a phone setting and more of a lifestyle.
It’s how we politely say, “If you’re not delivering pizza or winning the lottery on my behalf, please go away.”

So, we made you a gift: 101 Do Not Disturb jokes for everyone who’s ever rejected a call and felt nothing but joy.

The Ultimate “Do Not Disturb” Joke Collection You Didn’t Know You Needed

Tech & Phone Do Not Disturb Jokes to smile

  1. My phone’s on Do Not Disturb. Just like my face.
  2. I use Do Not Disturb the way others use therapy.
  3. My favorite ringtone is silence.
  4. “Do Not Disturb” is just introvert for “Try me and die.”
  5. My phone’s been on DND so long, I forgot how a call sounds.
  6. If I wanted to be disturbed, I’d answer unknown numbers.
  7. DND: Because I can’t mute my relatives in real life.
  8. Siri tried to notify me. Even she got blocked.
  9. Do Not Disturb? More like “Do Not Exist.”
  10. I turned on DND and 3 friends assumed I died. Best peace I ever had.
  11. Notifications are just anxiety wearing a tiny bell.
  12. DND is my trust fund for mental health.
  13. I don’t ignore people—I schedule silence.
  14. My AirPods have better boundaries than I do.
  15. My iPhone has Focus Mode. I just want Don’t-Focus-On-Me mode.
  16. Do Not Disturb: The only commitment I’ve stuck with.
  17. My phone buzzed once. I threw it in a drawer.
  18. Some people count sheep. I count unread notifications.
  19. 143 unread messages. All answered by Do Not Disturb.
  20. Phone: Buzz. Me: Nope. DND: ✅

Relationship & Dating DND Jokes May Cause Loud Laughter

  1. He said he loved me. I said, “Cool, I’m on Do Not Disturb.”
  2. My ex is why I leave my phone on silent forever.
  3. “Why didn’t you call back?”—Because I have self-respect and DND.
  4. Our relationship was long distance—between me and Do Not Disturb.
  5. Love is temporary. Do Not Disturb is forever.
  6. I ghost people using DND. It’s the modern way.
  7. You texted 8 times. My DND thanks you for the cardio.
  8. He was cute, but not bypass-DND cute.
  9. My last relationship ended because I scheduled silence at 7.
  10. If he really liked me, he’d wait for me to turn off DND.
Mental Health & Peace Vibes Jokes That Hit Harder Than a Notification

Mental Health & Peace Vibes Jokes That Hit Harder Than a Notification

  1. DND is cheaper than therapy and twice as quiet.
  2. I turned on Do Not Disturb and found inner peace and snacks.
  3. I meditate by turning off all notifications… and people.
  4. DND is me respecting my own vibes.
  5. Anxiety can’t find me if my phone doesn’t light up.
  6. My aura is set to “Unavailable.”
  7. Zen is 0 texts, 0 calls, and 1 nap.
  8. I found peace between DND and airplane mode.
  9. DND is my emotional invisibility cloak.

Sleep, Naps & Lazy Time do not disturb jokes

  1. My phone’s on DND. So am I.
  2. Nap goals: No texts, no guilt, full drool.
  3. If you disturb me while I nap, I’ll haunt your dreams.
  4. My sleep schedule is protected by Do Not Disturb and spite.
  5. 8 hours of sleep? No. 8 hours of not being contacted? Yes.
  6. My dream job is sleeping. DND is my résumé.
  7. DND: Because I don’t dream about small talk.
  8. I nap like my phone—on silent with 3% battery.
  9. My sleep is sacred. Approach with a charger and coffee.
  10. Naps are meetings. Do Not Disturb means “in a conference.”
Workplace & Productivity Jokes That Deserve a Standing Silence

Workplace & Productivity Jokes That Deserve a Standing Silence

  1. My boss thinks I’m working. My phone says otherwise.
  2. Do Not Disturb is my work-from-home assistant.
  3. I’m busy. My phone agrees.
  4. Zoom fatigue? Try DND bliss.
  5. I put myself on Do Not Disturb from 9 to 5.
  6. Coworker: “Ping me.” Me: activates DND forever.
  7. I’m not ignoring work. I’m actively rejecting it.
  8. Every time Slack dings, my soul leaves my body.
  9. Productivity tip: Schedule 8 hours of not caring.
  10. Office hours? Nah. These are Off-ice hours.

Smart, Witty & Wordplay Jokes for People Who’d Rather Be Left Alone (And Laughing)

  1. “Do Not Disturb” is just “Namaste” in iPhone.
  2. My boundaries have Bluetooth.
  3. I’m on Airplane Mode… spiritually.
  4. My calendar is full of “No.”
  5. Do Not Disturb is a love language.
  6. If peace had a ringtone, it’d be DND.
  7. Emotionally unavailable? No, just technologically distant.
  8. I’m not anti-social—I’m pro-quiet.
  9. My silence is premium.
  10. I pay rent with missed calls and unread texts.
Humor Academy 2.0: Because Your Jokes Need Therapy

Humor Academy 2.0: Because Your Jokes Need Therapy

Tired of telling jokes that land like expired milk?

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Extreme Reactions & Sassy do not disturb jokes for a good laugh

  1. You called twice? I’m calling security.
  2. If it’s not pizza or Beyoncé, I’m ignoring it.
  3. Text me again and I’ll knit you a sweater made of silence.
  4. Call me one more time and you’re blocked in Morse code.
  5. If you disturb me, I disturb back.
  6. I’m available… for absolutely nothing.
  7. “Urgent”? So is my silence.
  8. I schedule my apathy like a dentist.
  9. You want my attention? Apply in triplicate.
  10. I give out my number just for DND to feel useful.
Family, Friends, and Group Chat do not disturb jokes

Family, Friends, and Group Chat do not disturb jokes

  1. My family group chat has 400 messages. I read none.
  2. Mom texted, “CALL ME.” I called Do Not Disturb.
  3. Group chat: memes. My response: muting all of you.
  4. My grandma broke through DND. I owe her $5.
  5. Friends don’t let friends disturb each other.
  6. If it’s important, send a raven.
  7. I love you, but not during nap time.
  8. Family drama? There’s a setting for that—DND.
  9. My group chat thinks I’m mysterious. I’m just asleep.
  10. I RSVP’d to your chaos with silence.

Text Later, Laugh Now – 101 Do Not Disturb Jokes

  1. I turned on DND. My plants started blooming.
  2. My coffee respects my silence. You should too.
  3. I’m not ghosting, I’m on a spiritual silent retreat with snacks.
  4. My cat meows less than people text me.
  5. If my phone buzzes, I pretend it’s a bug.
  6. DND made my vision clearer and my skin glow.
  7. My lock screen just says “no.”
  8. The only thing that should disturb me is a delivery driver.
  9. My new ringtone is 8 hours of nothing.
  10. I run on caffeine, vibes, and Do Not Disturb.
Your Notification-Free Comedy Break: 101 Do Not Disturb Jokes

Your Notification-Free Comedy Break: 101 Do Not Disturb Jokes

  1. Airplane mode is cool. DND is elite.
  2. I fly first class in my mind—quiet and alone.
  3. Trains, planes, and no notifications please.
  4. My travel buddy is DND and a granola bar.
  5. “Vacation mode” is just DND + beach background.
  6. I told TSA: “No phones. Just vibes.”
  7. My suitcase is full of unread notifications.
  8. I packed peace, forgot people.
  9. I bought a roaming plan just to not answer.
  10. I take DND to international levels.

Halloween, Ghosting & Horror-Themed DND Jokes

  1. Ghosted? No. I’m just DND’d.
  2. My phone is scarier when it’s NOT on silent.
  3. DND: The exorcism for attention seekers.
  4. Zombies disturb less than some texters.
  5. I haunt my own phone with silence.
  6. You messaged 5 times? Now I’m legally a ghost.
  7. My ringer’s been off since the last Mercury retrograde.
  8. Spooky season starts every time someone says “hey.”
  9. My energy is haunted… by notifications.
  10. Do Not Disturb is my holy water.
101 Reasons to Put Your Phone Down and Laugh at DND Life

The Ultimate “Do Not Disturb” Joke Collection You Didn’t Know You Needed

You laughed. You ignored texts. And became the best version of yourself: unreachable and hilarious.

Remember—Do Not Disturb isn’t rude. It’s self-love.
And if anyone complains? Just send them this post and go back to living your mute life.